I believe in magick

Magick= your inner connection with your outer world. Mind over matter. Miracles. Zen moments. Inner child glee. Glimpses of the Extraordinary.

Magic=illusions and tricks used by magicians. Entertainment and fun. Also, here in Michigan, Magic= an awesome MSU basketball player, you may have heard of him? 🙂

In my last post I told you that I was struggling with my health and it seemed quite uncertain what might be in store. Guess what? I don’t have cancer. 

Nope. Nada. Nothing. No tumors. No nodules.

That’s right. I went in for an ultrasound guided fine-needle aspiration biopsy in late June, and the doctor couldn’t find the nodules that had been detected on an earlier ultrasound. They were completely gone. He did another ultrasound but no biopsy. His conclusion was that my thyroid had a goiter, and it had caused the appearance of uneven texture/nodules which were now nonexistent. I prefer to credit my Lucky Halloween Socks. 🙂

I’ve had the opportunity to learn several things through out this process:

1. I am my own advocate and I set my boundaries, especially with my doctor. I avoided the torture of going off my iodine-rich diet and thyroid medication for several weeks in order to prepare for a radioactive iodine uptake test. I asked if we could get a diagnosis a different way, and in the process I also avoided an expensive and unnecessary test in a doctor’s office with an Olympic-sized aquarium. (I posted a pic of one of the rays on twitter.)

2. Never let myself get too caught up in worry. I try to give myself 15 minutes, tops. After that, suck it up and move on. Why? Not to be some kind of hero without any emotion, but to be conscious of my intention and remember that worrying is counterproductive. I believe that our thoughts are prayers, mantras, wishes, spells, heartsongs–they are our connection with the divine. If our thoughts are prayers–and we are always thinking–then worrying is a negative prayer or wish. Think of it as a negative thread, pulling at your magick carpet, slowly unraveling your true intention. Even if you don’t believe in magick like I do, can we agree that anything you’ve ever worried about has usually ended up nothing like your worst fears? I’m not going to lie, the thought of the doctor sticking a needle into my neck to get a biopsy freaked me out, so I called a good friend. She set me straight with “I’m just going to believe that there won’t be any nodules and there will be nothing there to biopsy.” I was so taken aback by her counter-statement that I was able to move past the immediate shock and worry, and I referenced it later when worrying thoughts started to creep in again.

3. I am responsible 100% for my attitude about my health. I’m NOT saying I can control everything about my health through a positive attitude. Sometimes you have to let yourself feel the betrayal or anger in order to heal. What I am saying is that if I choose to eat stuff that I know my body doesn’t like, then I am choosing not to feel well. I’m not talking about an occasional piece of chocolate or sip of wine. Moderation is my friend and food doesn’t have to be my frenemy, even with multiple food sensitivities. I have to consciously choose to exercise (I didn’t say enjoy it–that’s a bit much for me), and choose to eat my veggies. I also have to make sure I get enough sleep and drink enough water. If I go more than two nights in a row with little to no sleep, my symptoms worsen. More than diet, exercise, hydration, and sleep, my attitude affects how I feel physically. Complaining is another negative wish that, like worrying, claims the negative experience. I have to consciously choose to claim I am in radiant health. On days when that seems like an impossibility and “fake-it-’til-you-make-it” seems, well, fake–I claim that I am open to experiencing radiant health.

4. I believe in the possibility of my dream. I know that sounds like Pollyanna BS, but hear me out.  A couple of posts ago I wrote about my struggle to maintain balance as an author working from home. I had spent January to April in a near-hermit existence with the exception of interaction with my family and occasional errands. I heard about a writer’s conference that would not require me flying to NYC. I thought of every excuse not to do it. Excuse #1: It was less expensive than NYC, but it was still a chunk of change. My husband didn’t even blink, in fact insisted that I go. Excuse #2: It might be a waste of time and money because it wasn’t in NYC. There was only one way to find out, so I made my reservation. Once I paid to go, there was no turning back. The conference turned out to be life changing–literally. I met other published authors and gained so much insight from them. I met an agent, pitched her my manuscript and she asked for three chapters. I sent them to her, and about a month later, she wanted to see the whole thing. Yep.

She still might tell me it stinks…but she might not. I am choosing to believe in the possibility of my dream. I believe in magick.

related posts: 13 Superstitions: a Fantasy Author’s List